Lately, I’ve been feeling rather uninspired, particularly angsty, slightly distressed, and sometimes even a little bit angry.
Don’t get me wrong I am happy and healthy and I really do love my life. But everything seems so chaotic. The world is a disaster and it enrages me every time I think about it. When I think about going back to school I waver between excitement and stress and happiness and sadness and everything in between. And when I go to write something it becomes too personal or too teen-angst-ridden and that’s really just not my vibe.
I guess what’s significant about riding this emotional rollercoaster in a world where no one person knows what the next minute will bring is that it’s reminding me to find and embrace those little moments of joy.
I was so mad at myself one day last week because it wasn’t until I went to bed that I realized how awesome my day had been. That felt like a bit of a blow to me. Because I failed to pause in my moments of pure bliss to smile and think, “wow, how blessed is this life”.
But I am grateful that I did have an awesome day and that I remember it well.
I get stressed thinking about how everything at school will be different, thinking about my classes, thinking about my friends, etc. But if I have a little dance party, for a few moments my problems disappear. When I drive home from work it’s like the world disappears along with all its problems. I take a workout class and I feel stronger, more centered, just better.
It’s those little happy moments-dancing in my room while blasting Ants Marching, driving down back roads with the windows down, moving my body and dripping in sweat-that remind me that even when it feels like the world is ending, even when I feel like I’ve lost control of my own story, there are still reasons to be happy, there are still reasons to hope.
So yeah. The world IS falling apart. And you’re probably stressed about going back to something too. Be stressed. Be scared. Use that anger and angst and all that energy to fight for what you want, to fight for a better world. But remember to enjoy the little moments, to create the little moments. Use those moments to center yourself, balance yourself, remind yourself to be happy, and keep yourself sane in a world where “better days” seem farther and farther away.
I hope that wasn’t too personal or angsty for you…keep your head up.
